Just Because...

Trophy Wives

American Hologram

Recreation The Band Cover Album art

Pretty things and people I've seen while documenting my own existence because I know life is short. 

My favorite poem at the moment because I am such a sap.

Poem by Pablo Neruda 

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you; 

I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love; 

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel

Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who

Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood. 

About Gothic fairy tales...

Today I felt the summer leave me like an incredibly bored lover and I was acting out as if it was my first boyfriend. I have kept busy with many things. The adventures are things that I myself couldn't have had the imagination to foresee for I at times can lack the foresight.

The constant tug between motherhood and my own independence. My heart builds the roots of what is our family tree and my head wanders off while wearing fairy wings. The constant bickering between the two can be consuming.

Since I last posted I have flirted with a famous Spaniard, drank too much tequila. created many pieces of art and have met many new friends. But I have clean the closets and attics, held a yard sale, went on a date with the man of the house, prepared and organized the girls for the upcoming cold weather, shopped for Halloween costumes, groceries, cooked meals and the other one thousand things we woman do.

And I need the solitude of the nights. I need the silence to let me my mind wander. To create and learn because I always want more.

About numbers...

She has hurt her right arm 2.0 times. She is 3.3 years of age. She weighs 47.7 lbs. She wears size 5T and the shoe size is 10.

Tonight I get to see dancers, clowns and a illustrator. I might even get to meet one of those that kill zombies for a living.  Because after all it is I who lives in this city... The most haunted city in America and I...  I am nothing but an extra in this Gothic fairy tale...

LtoR.1.ButterBeanBeach2.BandOfHorses3.Olivia4.Kami5.Anita6.BandOfHorses7.Cake8.SpongeBobMovieXtra

 Have a great weekend peeps...

About Creativity...

We make connections constantly. 

We are constantly connecting the dots. 

Now this could be attributed to our creative mind or the fact that our minds just wander.
We are all creative whether we paint like Picasso or not. 
We are constantly creating ways to solve problems and situations in our heads. 

At times some accuse you of not paying attention while they are speaking. Not your fault entirely. It was that something that they said that sparked your creativity like a flash, like lightning. Your brain felt it was time for problem solving and you have to listen. Scientist have said that the most creative moments occur when we are doing something that break us out of our routines. When we expose our brains to new experiences the brain makes new connections allowing us to be more creative. These new connections are forced to create patterns in our brains creating more ideas. 

Then the concept brings me to the subject of why do we have the best ideas at the most irrational times. That one feeling we get as if the muses are speaking through us. If you are writer you feel the taping of the keys gets faster or your pen writes faster as if possessed by a ghost.  Painters splatter the paint on the canvas. Chefs cut and chop faster and add new spices. When our minds begin to wander and when we are relaxed it is then when we are at our creative height.

To be creative you must let your mind be free. Sometimes it is when I am doing the dishes. On a mountain of soap suds as the warm water runs through my fingers and while I am using my lemon basil detergent. I get lost since the repetitive action allows my mind to wander in a safe environment. Diggin in the dirt and gardening does it as well.When we are mowing a lawn or folding clothes. My mind wanders and I am at the most creative point.

Or when I am reading and the light shines through the window...

Instagram Freak...

When does creativity hit you?

When are you the most creative?

It is Monday go out and create.
Happy New Week.

Tybee Island Beach...

Tybee Island Beach

Stream of consciousness...

 I am living on nothing but watermelon and poetry. Hiding behind my lens or a book. Solitude instead of company. Music instead of conversations. Preferring the night over the daytime. The nights when everyone is resting except the ghosts that reside in Savannah. The smell of coconut oil on my skin instead of soap.  I continue to write down thoughts and memories squeezing every bit of it into pages. I think I will be done with this town and everything around me once the inkwell runs dry. At times I can hear the mountains calling and the rivers joining in the chant. 

About Age...

Yesterday was tough... 

Yesterday my middle child went in for a tonsillectomy and you would think that it was something really serious by the way I was acting. My intensity and emotional self can be at times detrimental to the cause. I say at times because there has been times when my intensity have saved us from certain situations. Now here I am... Quickly justifying my manic ways to you just like I justify them to the husband since I was taught to be polite. 

I thought with age my emotions would settle and the intensity would turn its volume way down. I thought peaceful wisdom would come through, one that was innate and within.  I thought that after birthing three kids dealing with tough situations would be a thing of the past. I thought that I, cool and collected, would take on each task in a state of calmness. That I would deal with tough times in a state of nirvana. 

But... 

Age has brought more awareness to those that wish to judge and not accept. Age has given me less tolerance to self imposed ignorance. Age has provided me with confidence and the gift of honesty. The fact that many don't know what to do when faced with truth is no longer my problem or issue.  Age has also taught me to be loyal and love so deeply. 

Am I blissfully challenged by such cynicism I asked myself.  

Truth is... age has provided me the freedom to speak up and say what I want and need without denying self love. Age has brought me the ability to remove toxic people and those with an arrested development to not influence the outcome of my days. While I am open to show how intense and emotional I can be, I hope others come as they are and be accepting of me. If not? I love myself enough to provide you with my gift of honesty. 

Will be back soon with more in the meantime...

FAQ.

1. What are you listening to this summer? 

Obsessed with the music of Haim. 
Song now playing with this post is Haim.

Sounds like summer and makes this girl happy.
Also The Helio Sequence.

2. Can we see the top of the chair and the pictures of Baby M pasted?

3. Favorite Summer Cocktail?

Via

The Italian Citrus Margarita
2 parts Patron Tequila or you can use Sauza Gold Tequila
1 part Triple Sec
1 part DiSaronno Amaretto
1 part Lime Juice
Ice
Salted rim
Lime and orange wedges for garnish

Continue enjoying the summer we are having sundaes for dinner (pecans and bananas are healthy) in honor of the tonsillectomy. 

The Summer of Love...

Summer of 1999. That was supposed to be my summer. First time alone for two months without a care in the world. It had been years since I was alone for so long. I became a mom at a young age. The kid begged to go away with his dad for 2 months that summer... I obliged.  Quickly the summer became everything. The space and time where I could be whatever I wanted to be.

But it became my summer of love...

 We met and it was never meant to happen. That night I had a date with another boy.  A boy that held much promise since he was kind and good looking. As I was to walk out the door to meet the "date" he (now husband) placed a toe ring on my bare feet right after we met. Not used to wearing a toe ring all I could do during my "date" was stare at my feet and think about the boy I had just left behind. The ring felt as if it held some type of magnetic force and my toes kept tingling. Right there on my second toe I had been chained.

Needless to say my "date" with the Latin boy lasted 60 minutes they were timed by my watch and a few beats from Fatboy Slim. I ran back almost breathless to find him where I had just left him. Right there I proclaimed with a  big smile I am back. That was fast- he replied. Still catching my breath all I could do was smile. A week after that fateful meeting we became a family. We ignored the whispers, the talks and fourteen years later here we are...

On May 9th my husband and I celebrated our 14th anniversary. He walked me to a Savannah bridge where the Parisian custom of locking a lock and throwing away the key lives. We couldn't make it to Paris but somewhere in time in another dimension we did. In that moment Savannah became foreign to me. No longer chained we are now locked.

Mother's Day.

I have three kids but the one in the middle stole my heart on Mother's Day. Maybe because of her age . Maybe because she loves me. She gave me the best Mother's Day a kid could have given. Breakfast in bed. hugs and kisses and a stage performance.

On Instagram LtoR 1.The Show Oklahoma! 2. Breakfast 3. Oklahoma! 4.Baby M. and Me. 5. Sunflower 6.Thespian.

Hoping your weekend was sweet... Happy new week friends.

The South...

The days are flying by and summer is upon us in Savannah, GA. The days are longer and with all the sunlight more opportunities to photograph my surroundings. On a daily basis I fall in love with photography. Every time I get that one image that feels as if I took the brush to a canvas. Capturing that fleeting moment gives me such satisfaction. A moment that otherwise would be lost in time. Because I am addicted to my surroundings and all of the beauty that I see.




*Savannah Sidewalk Art festival is one of my favorite art festivals. Artists creates exquisite pieces of art which today are gone. Chalk art taken to another level.  Like Buddhists monks they create these beautiful pieces that are just for a moment in time.


Colors so bright and intense and this is the moment that I realize I am way too fast and impatient to be a painter. It is now that I want to capture all of it. I want it to be with ease and fluidity and  my hands could never move fast enough.





Just as my brain begins to wrap itself around all the colors and surroundings just as I am beginning to feel the breeze, the sun and all of this art... history shows up and slaps me on the face. A war that saw the end of slavery and the downfall of a southern planter aristocracy.







There wasn't a family in the South that did not lose a son or brother or father.







It was the birth of a new freedom...
The most necessary, horrible and heroic conflict this nation has ever witnessed.






I felt as if I was falling down the rabbit hole with so much pain and sadness yet glad to be here in the year 2013. I return to meet with my tribe and there she was smiling so big. Right there in the middle of the Historic District in Downtown Savannah...






The place where once her father and I would not have been possible to be.


Happy Monday peeps.

Antebellum...

The meaning of the word antebellum is prior to war and most of my city was built on that foundation.
Prior to the American War and remained untouched.




There is beauty in war.
The beauty in which two parties get up and fight for what they believe is right.
There is beauty after a war because both sides now changed forever, learn not only about how precious life is ( or at least I hope they do) but they learn that during war no one wins.
There are more loses than gains and both sides most of the time jaded and cynical continue walking the earth broken and wounded.






Which now takes me to one of the most beautiful words that I've heard... Antebellum.





Because to me it's pure, simple, lyrical and literal like its Latin root.
Prior to war, to chaos, to confusion, to destruction.
And if we as human tried to live life in a "constant state" of antebellum maybe we too can remain untouched.





Preserved.





Because after all it is no surprise that Savannah remained untouched during the American Civil War.
Lady Savannah was charming, open, inviting and hospitable.




To this day and after a war that changed the course of our history Savannah remains unblemished.
I want to think after all the wars I have endured like the lady that welcomed me home almost twenty years ago... I remain.





Like the word Antebellum I want to remain pure,simple, lyrical and always literal like its Latin root.





Happy Monday Peeps.

Tonight The Lights Go Out In Georgia...

I was going to make a post to close my week. 

But for tonight I will stay silent.

Because everything else seems superficial except this...

Love. One. Another. 

I pray for peace and understanding.

Thankful...

I have changed my mind back and forth about this year's Thanksgiving. On Sunday I wanted a large feast by Monday I was ready to pick up a honey baked ham and call it a day. Today is Tuesday and I have committed and bought a descent size turkey. There is no turning back.  I love Thanksgiving and what it does to my soul. I get to retreat into a semi 48 hour trance like state of home-goodness. I chop, I season, I mince, I grill, I bake and I broil and in the end I want to see your face when you taste the masterpiece I have created while on my trance state.

 


The energy I put into the meal I prepare is consuming but I like being consumed by that moment by the smells in the kitchen by the anticipation of my final creation. The joy and peace I gather from Thanksgiving is the type of joy a runner feels after a marathon. Rendered to nothingness but completely satisfied.


 


That is the type of thanksgiving I want my children to have. The quiet and unspoken when no one is watching. When no one is minding the holiday month. An internal understanding of what thankfulness really means.

She reminds me of this tiny squirrel...

Out and loud I will say I am thankful for my family and for having a great sense humor. For being outspoken, creative and always keeping me on my toes. For the many friends that surround me and continue to give life a thousand and one colors. I am even thankful for the love I have for this holiday and for providing me an excuse to not only feed my body but my mind and soul.


 


Be thankful today and everyday.

 

Happy Thanksgiving and please stay sweet.

Vote Of Confidence...

Been staying away from the internet a bit. The energy across the stratosphere seemed heavy. After election night the comments were running rampant to the point I saw people I love become strangers right in front of my eyes. Their personalities shifted to this angry and frustrated beings which at that point I decided that if I ever wanted to once again engaged with them I would have to:

A. Hide statuses on Facebook. 

B. Unfriend them.( MD weapon used by many) 

C.  Unplug.

I chose C. I worked offline and worked in the real world allowing me to make a few new contacts and attend a few local events. 

But I did have an opinion and I did want to hash it out with someone. The difference between those on Facebook and me? I chose Baby M. to do the complaining to. She listen attentively to my state of the union and her repeating the names of the candidates is one of the funniest things ever.

Last night was opening night for Ms.M. I am in awe of her. The confidence, persistence and determination with her work is admirable. The way she is with her friends, her sister and brother... with me. 

I hope she always keeps that fighting spirit and I hope she never quits doing what she loves.

Its almost Monday a brand new week. I for one am getting tired of hiding and I won't follow suit. I am here to tell you that I am not obedient or well behaved and more times than not I love rocking the boat. But after much thought and reflection I have chosen to stand in the corner naked... Cry out even in public. Because I can do vulnerability. Not for long because my soul gets bored with any party including the pity ones. I can also tell you there is nothing poetic here just another one of my rebellious yell for the sake of self expression.

Hope each one of you is having a great weekend.

Stay Sweet Peeps...