Sunday, December 26, 2010

training wheels…

As the winds of the north send artic icy cold winds in my direction I am trying to keep myself and my heart warm. It's hard to lose someone close to the holidays everyone around you is happy and you try your darnest to join in the dance… but as you join in the circle of friends, lights, family and happiness like a child you go around the circle until the skipping and dancing is halted and suddenly you remember.
Memories start flooding and clouding my perception and I quickly try to focus on a Xmas light on an ornament anything happy or shiny and I try to grasp and reach and focus even if it’s tinsel… a tinsel that reflects its silvery perfect image in crystal like fashion. And I wish and hope that somehow I can feel and sense and understand colors at a time when they are all so joyful and I keep falling in a downward spiral and like waves it comes crashing and I feel sad. It’s sudden fast and like the 1st time your training wheels come off you crash. And there you are feeling like when you were 5 years old once again trying to ride the really cool bike without training wheels and you go down of course face first.

We opted for a super quiet Xmas. We visited with the in-laws and spend the afternoon with them. It was quiet, private and just what I needed. This by the way reminds me that St.Simon Island on the coast of Georgia is beautiful, amazing and would love to own a home there. Baby M. was wonderful as usual and the kids enjoyed a bike ride along the GA coast which is a big difference from today that is snowing in Savannah, GA.

Through all this I tried… oh yes, did I try… and many times succeeded to capture moments like this…
The Marsh along the coast.
IMG_37 (38)
Downtown St.Simon Island.

I am a firm believer that happiness is not bestow upon it is a labor of love just like birthing. Continually we must seek it and cherish it. Dream it, believe it and achieve it. To every action a reaction. Fear and sadness right now serve as the training wheels on the bicycle of life – I am looking forward to take them off and ride without losing any of my balance. I am  a constant seeker, searcher and researcher and with that spirit I will continuously keep riding and pedaling until my bike is riding training wheels free.


  1. "everyone around you is happy"

    Hoping that both you and me find peace in our sadness and that 2011 will be filled with happiness for us. I'm glad you were able to have a quiet, reflective Christmas. Me too. It helped not having to "fake" being overjoyed when my heart was so heavy.

    Sending you lots of {{{huggggs}}}

  2. I'm not sure what has happened, but my wish for you in the coming year is peace of mind and happiness. I hope you all were able to have a wonderful holiday despite your sadness.


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