Sunday, December 5, 2010

Time...


Time is the longest distance between two places.  ~Tennessee Williams



I sit here waiting and anticipating hoping the clock would just move faster. In 24 hours I keep telling myself. Just wait for me… for 24 hours.
Not sure if I am going to make it… my head is spinning the clock is ticking of course not fast enough and like the mad hatter I am in a rush but I can't go.
I can’t move. I am paralyzed and at the mercy of time, speed,life everything I have no control of.


I never thought for one minute this is how this year was going to end. It began full of promise and hope. It began full of life with my round belly.
It makes no sense... none whatsoever... the pain, the longing, the inability to be with you… right next to you. 


The knowledge that you keep grasping for air and you keep reaching deep in your soul for us to get there and I my love… I can’t fly any faster. 
Images keep flashing, memories are flooding my head. I began packing but I am taking my time because there is time left. I have 12 hours to go before I get to leave my nest and fly to yours which at one time was our nest. It’s funny how everything takes us back to our beginnings… like spirals we float, transform and return to the beginning… to where it all starts.


This might be so selfish of me and of course love you can accuse me of being selfish but… Would you? Could you? Wait a little more… Just until I get there?! 
I just need a chance to see you and tell you how much I love you.

6 comments:

  1. dito to all of this. I love your words and how I can cry by feeling each word you write and express about our darling, most dearest Jose Miguel, Joselito, Tito

    I'm not for words right now. I'm just in very aching pains right now. Can't stop the tears or the cry, no matter how many times people are trying to tell me to contain myself because of my heart. Well, guess what...it's my heart that is crying and feeling all of this madness and sadness of millions of feelings for someone so loved and so special for me. I can't, I can't stop the tears or the crying. My Sunday has been very long, very sad, very very very not planned and I just can't find myself to do anything else but lay and look at pictures and think of him and torment myself for finding myself in the situation that I am during this time that is not allowing me to be by his side nor my families. Can't even do my son's uniform for school tomorrow, I just don't want to do shit but get on a plane and run to him and my family.

    I LOVE YOU, ADRIANITA. i LOVE YOU, JOSELITO!!!!!! I WISH IT WAS JUST A FENCE SEPARATING OUR GAME TIME FROM EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW AND NOT THIS HORRIBLE DISTANCE IN MILES OF LAND & OCEAN.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I felt much the same way about returns to a point of origin when I buried my grandmother at the beginning of the year. I was pulled back into the cold white beauty that is the North in winter. My sincere wish is that in the midst of your loss you find something of beauty to marvel at.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry to hear about your sadness. Sorry to hear that your brother's health is failing. I hope you get there in time. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just stumbled across your blog...said a prayer for you and your little brother...your writing is captivating....your daughter gorgeous!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks everyone for such kind words.

    ReplyDelete

Leave a sweet comment...