Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Kid Brother...

Since I began the blog I have kept all post positive in the search of and trying to build a mantra that is filled with positive energy, love and in hopes that me and others that come across it can find some inspiration to what seems like a very tough, challenging and at times disheartening life. I have found this week really hard to write. I am sad. Very sad and I can’t find the strength and courage to get myself up.


You see there is something about knowing someone from childhood the same when you have children you attach yourself to that person and love on them because you know for a fact you have watched and seen that person grow, change, evolve, transform, reinvent and live.  The same goes when you have siblings. These are the people that keep you grounded. Rooted and planted and keep you honest because they know you the best. They know your background and like historians keep you honest, in check and real because they know where you come from what makes you tick and vulnerable.


The reason for my maddening sadness is my little brother. He is not doing well… his health is failing him and he has yet to make public his ailments, therefore, I will respect his wishes and or any knowledge I have of his pain and suffering and refrain from sharing that aspect of his life that he is guarding like a prized possession even though I know is not. All his friends continue to ask me for updates and well I can’t share much but this feeling resides in my heart and fills it with sadness and the fact that there is nothing I can do and there is no way of controlling the situation is driving me mad.



adrianairis La Dulce Vida
xmas 1982. My baby brother and me.



When he was little  I used to protect him from his bullies… his chunky self was always the go to kid to be picked on. But I protected him… like a lioness would protect her cubs.
I used to lay down next to him for years until he would fall asleep and I will quietly sneak out of his room like the most experienced of spies and I would do it all so he would feel safe. We were each others defender when my father have had too much to drink and we found ourselves in trouble. Like a pet he used to follow me his older sister to find strength and courage in certain situations.


adrianairis La Dulce Vida

My eyes at this moment are filled with tears is hard to look at the screen as I type. Therefore I will cut my post short by saying: “ I love you Tito… I have never met anyone funnier, more talented with words... you are a  poet... and passionate as you. Forever you will be my kid brother and I am on my knees asking the universe for a major favor to allow me to be with you for the rest of my days because after all... you are my kid brother and will always be.”

adrianairis La Dulce Vida
adrianairis La Dulce Vida

6 comments:

  1. Adriana, I am so sorry that you are going through something so difficult. You, your brother, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that things get better for all of you. I hope for the nothing but the best for your brother. I'm praying for you all.

    xoxo

    Whitney

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  2. Wow. I honestly don't really know what to write but I wanted to write SOMETHING to let you know your words were heard and taken to heart. I am thinking of you and your family and praying with you for a long lifetime of memories for you and your brother...

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  3. My dearest cousin, you know I'm sharing this incredible, most-hurtful pain with you, titi & my mom. Of course as I read your words of courage to write such expressions of him that we are all so afraid to express in respect to his silence through all of this, I could only fall & cry out loud trying to hold myself together & keep me sane so I don't get my tuqui tuqui's and my son won't hear me and ask or alter my mother that all of us know how she gets.

    Like you, I find myself helpless being soooo far away. However, looking at the pictures you posted here, allowed me to go back in time and remember when we played through the fence and the times we spent when we moved back to PR in 1986. I also have some pics of us in abuela Toñita's balcony that I will share soon.

    For now, during this sour time, remember you have me you can call anytime of day and we'll go through it together. You are not alone in this pain. No matter the miles in distance you know you, Tito, Arturito & Titi hold a very special place in my heartm, as well as, my mothers.

    I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M FEELING IT TOO!!!!!!!

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  4. Adriana;
    Siento tus sentimientos y tu preocupacion.Quisiera poder abrazarte y darte animo y tambien a tu mami.Parece que el Universo se ha puesto de acuerdo para ponernos triste.
    Oro y pido a Dios que Tito se sienta mejor pronto.Espero que Iris tenga fuerza para sobrellevar esto.No estamos solos en nuestro viaje,los Dioses nos ayudan!
    Te quiero mucho,y te abrazo en la distancia .

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  5. Adriana~~I did not know this about your brother...I am so sorry and I UNDERSTAND. Yes, I do...but I wish I did not.

    My heart hurts for you.

    Thank you for your powerful inspiring blog & words.

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  6. Visiting from for the love of blogs fun post. I am so sorry you're experiencing such pain dealing with your brother's illness. I can't even imagine how that would feel, especially with the history the two of you have as the big sister and protector.

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