Instead of learning about them I learned about myself.
I am in chaos and self-doubts. I feel too strongly and I am changing rapidly. I am sad and I am happy. I am in a hurry and I am relaxed.
I used to be full like the Supermoon. I no longer move along with the cycles of the moon.
My uterus must be wandering and this is what they used to call... Hysteria.
In nine days, I turn forty one. Noticed I decided to spell it out... no shortcuts. I've begun to feel this urgency within every pore of my being. Every cell that makes up this body of mine feels the need to create and go places I have never been. Some might say I have began to feel mortality. You are right. But I began to feel it three winters ago. This? This is a quiet sense of knowing that I can't turn back time. I now feel as if all my previous experiences have integrated within. Swinging my body and dancing along the spiraling cycles of the earth. Stillness. A calm and very steady power.
I will be heading to the mountains where I have decided to shout into all four directions. Hopefully the mountains will echo sounds that will heal my soul. Because truth is I have received the opportunity to become free of society’s untruths about woman and aging. I knew my rebellious spirit would help along the way. I now will walk more attuned with nature and with myself and have begun a new gestation period. I have lost the sense of outer connection and now it has been contained within. My inner fire burns brighter than ever and I am ready to create and transform.
I have a friend to celebrate this weekend and more adventures until then...