Friday, June 29, 2012

About Birthdays...

Stream of consciousness...

On the day he was born I never suspected it would change my life the way it did. I was 6 and his birth made me so happy.  I became an older sister but also a mommy. The mommy of a real baby boy.

On the day of his death I never suspected it would influence the rest of my birthdays. There are days when I feel vain and selfish only because I have continued to live longer. Almost a month short of my 40th I feel as if I have cheated death and taken more than what I should have. I have given in and decided to pause and celebrate it and this has made me anxious on so many levels.

For some reason the same question keeps popping up in my head ... To be or not to be.
I want to drink it all but yet feel like I am taking the last piece of the cake.


  1. First time visitor from the Restless hop! Glad I found your blog!

  2. what a gorgeous photo!
    Thanks for linking up today with the Restless hop!

  3. Anniversaries of the loss of a loved one are so difficult; years later, you can be hit so hard by a wall of sadness and grief. It's normal, it's natural, it's okay.
    Blessings to you!

  4. love the photo!
    Your birthday celebration will be great. A celebration of the wonderful person you are and of his legacy that lives of him on you.
    <3 ya!

  5. Gorgeous photo. You've been captured. lol

    I hope you're feeling better today.

  6. what a GORGEOUS blog!!! found you via the restless link up and am excited to follow along xo

  7. I love that pic....u look amazing! I will do everything I have to do, to spend that day with u....everything. we will laugh and cry if we must; together!

  8. I'm so sorry, hon. Mourning with you.

  9. "to be" for him and for the rest of your family!!! the picture of you is so beautiful... so soft...

  10. It hurts my heart when you talk about losing your brother. I bet he adored you as you do him xxxxxxxxxxx


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